The Most Embarrassing Movie I’ve Ever Loved

Before we start to judge my potential sexual orientation (I’m straight, I swear) or just exactly how manly I am (I’m pretty sure I’m made of sheer braun) you have to understand that I have come to the following conclusion about as begrudgingly as one can:

I love The Notebook.

For starters, if you have not seen this movie, stop reading this right now. I’m less concerned about giving away any spoilers (as there are none really) but more because you’ll have a greater appreciation of just how much of a sissy-boy I am if you’ve seen it.

I have to admit that I really do like the movie, but I think now I like the movie for the wrong reasons. You see, if I’m taking to a lovely young lady at a local watering hole here in NYC and I causally throw into the mix a reference to Allie & Noah…my god, do they swoooon! I mean who thought “I’m really just a Noah searching for my Allie” would go such a long way. Gentlemen, take my advice…add this into your witty banter repertoire. If you happen to be talking to the 1 girl out of 5 trillion who has not seen this movie…you can just write it off as “good friends of yours who fell in love” – they’ll be none the wiser.

Warning: This is very dangerous if you actually haven’t seen the movie, as follow up questions could lead to the revelation that you are an even bigger loser than I (as you’re referencing this movie AND you never seen it)

In any event, let’s move on…

I think the key for any “chick flick” to actually not be as miserable as it appears (and lets be honest, this movie appears like it would be a trip to the oral surgeon for us guys) you need a male character to connect to. In The Notebook, that would be Ryan Gosling…and to a smaller degree James Garner. (Wow he’s getting old…I mean I thought he was old already in Maverick and that was 11 years ago) I’m glad Ryan has found his way out of the very small indie niche he was carving out for himself and into a more mainstream role. (I me mainstream in the sense of the story…if you’ve seen his other movies like The Believer or The United State of Leland, you’ll know what I mean) His character is the kind of guy us guys would have no problem a) being, b) being friends with, or for us aspiring actors c) playing the role of. He’s a man’s man. He refurbishes old mansions, he builds furniture, he drinks quite a few beers, rows a canoe, is tall (IMDb lists him at 6’1), and how can you not love that incredible beard. Oh and he doesn’t take shit from the girl he loves. Noah is the perfect man. Noah is my hero.
On the flip side, not only does the female lead need to be attractive to keep our attention, but she also has to be incredibly likeable…simply put, for this to work we have to want the girl almost as much as the male character does. And my oh my does Rachel McAdams fit the bill. I don’t know any straight man who wouldn’t want to be with Ms. McAdams. (Strike that…I don’t know any straight man who wouldn’t want to be with her character…I mean she the actress might be totally insane – we don’t know that)

I think another part of the movie that really hit home for me was the era it’s being told in: the 1940s. There was a great balance felt between finding the charm of that era vs. having to labor through some sort of period piece. To be honest, for the 40s it felt very contemporary…which I think made it much easier (and more enjoyable) to watch.

Next up: a great, climactic, acting-class worthy, monologue. Delivered by the aforementioned greatest guy ever…Noah. Advice to all male acting students: Learn the ‘We fight…that’s what we do” monologue…you nail that, you’ll get any part you ever want.

Lastly, the way the story is told in flashbacks works perfectly. A now old Noah retelling the story of how they met to a now old Allie (who is suffering from Alzheimer's) is simply an easy and effective way of telling the story.

You know what, Eff everyone! This movie is a good movie…who cares that I’m a guy and that it’s 100 girly movie. My friends can go to hell if they think I’m a bit of a dandy for liking this movie so much…So what if I cry in my bed clenching my husband (the pillow), surrounded by used tissues, every time I see the scene where James Garner gets into the bed at the end with Gena Rowlands or when Allie asks Noah “why didn’t you write me!?” or the big monologue scene – damn it, I can’t take it! (starts crying…wipes tears away) …oh wait, um (awkward silence) hmm…maybe I should have kept that last bit to myself.

I didn’t cry…I swear?

The Simplest Goal I’ve Ever Had

A few days ago the acting world lost Vincent Schiavelli to lung cancer. If you’re struggling to put a name with a face, don’t bother, you probably wouldn’t know him by name. He’s considered one of those “oh, that guy” type of actors. He played Frederickson in ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST but is probably best known as the creepy looking dude on the subway in GHOST who tells a new-to-the-ghost-scene Patrick Swayze to “Get off my train!”

Sam Wheat: How long have you been here?
Subway Ghost: Since they pushed me.
Sam Wheat: Someone pushed you?
Subway Ghost: What you don't believe me? You think I fell? Well fuck you.

Ahhh, good ol' Vinnie Schiavelli - you will be missed.

Anyway...one thing I don’t really talk about here is my aspirations as an actor. I know, I know “musician wanting to act” is pretty much a lame-o cliché but I’ve actually had more technical training as an actor than as a musician. (Mainly improv/sketch comedy) But I’ve really only recently brought my career goals as an actor down a few hundred notches.

Vincent Schiavelli is what is known in the industry as a “character actor.” Someone at some point decided that if you weren’t an attractive leading man or woman - and short of referring to them as “weird looking actors” or “ugly actors” they came up with this euphemism. Basically anyone who looks like a regular person would be classified as a character actor. To me though it’s the absolute best of both worlds. I mean on one hand you are an actor, and probably working a lot, but on the other you don’t need to be bothered by paparazzi or psycho stalking you. You get to live your life in about 90 nonymity. (that other 10 is the amount of fame you actually want to have to still keep a life, but have some nice moments of being famous...like getting a table at a trendy restaurant or sleeping with models.)

Similar to the character actor is the “day player” – the actors that make the union minimum and appear in random shows for one episode. (if they’re lucky its called a “guest star”) Living in NYC, with only a handful of shows shooting here, if I go to the right neighborhood (or the right audition) I can spot a Who’s-Who of random “Law & Order” day players and guest stars. And being that I’m a total L&O lunatic, I can pretty much tell them which episode they were on. I'm sure it's not everyday that this guy has someone come up to him and say "hey, you were in the Enterprise Corruption episode of Law & Order. I can't believe your daughter did that!" Yup, he ran away from me.

Anyway, that’s all I’m really saying here. I just want to be *that guy* as an actor. Someone who puts on an accent here and there, puts on a different outfit here and there, and really just get paid to do something fun and exciting. You don’t even need to name my character! Who wants to be a movie star really? If anything, the bigger you are as a star, the likelihood you’re not really that talented as an actor to begin with.

One of my all time favorite character actors is a man by the name of Bruce McGill. He has the career I want. He made a splash in “Animal House” but at this point when someone is casting a movie and they need “that guy” or “this guy” they call Bruce McGill. There’s no pressure! No one cares about his turn as Judge Harkin in “Runaway Jury” or his focused approach toCommander Eugene Matuzak in Timecop. Hell, I don’t even remember him as McQuillan in “Courage Under Fire” He’ll never win an Oscar, but he’ll always have a career….and a life.

So there you have it. Is this asking too much? I want to be a random day player on “Law & Order” (Adam LeFevre, you lucky bastard!)or any of the soaps that shoot in NYC. I feel this is the simplest goal to have as an actor.

I don’t want to be Tom Cruise.

I don’t need to be Tom Cruise.

I just want to be “Guy in Hallway #2”

The Least Proud My Parents Ever Were

Though I go to the gym about 5 times a week less than I should, I still consider myself to be a pretty athletic guy

I had my growth spurt the summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college. Ya see, now I'm close to 6'2 and 180lbs. Man, I could have used *some* of this while I was playing little league baseball. Ya see, I was the smallest, shortest, thinnest, and most useless child-athlete you could ever imagine. There was one other thingI was severely ADD.

It took me a few years to realize that deep right field, and short-centerfield, were not, in fact, real positions. In retrospect, I should have known that I was a disposable player because 9 year-olds cant hit the ball to deep right field nor could I recall my favorite Yankee Short-Centerfielder.

Now while the coaches would send out signs to us in the fieldyou got the shift signwhich tells the outfielders to move in relation to who is batting, which starts with the wave overthat leads into the crazy person wave over (coach's arms are flaling)that leads to the addressing each outfielder by name.(Jason! Timothy! Curtis! Moooove OOOOVVVEEER!) Am I shifting? No. Why? A few reason. First of all, there is another right fielder in front of me who actually made the shift. Secondly, I can not shift because I am currently *sitting* with my back facing home plate performing a concert on my grass trumpet, while having a life chat with my imaginary older brother, Eric and our pet twin dandelions, Peter and Bald Peter. My parents were proud.

Hitting was a little trickier. I mastered a technique that could only be called the running-out-of-the-batters-box-as-soon-as-the-pitch-comes. Its really a matter of probability. I mean each pitch has a 50/50 chance of being a strike or a ball. So I definitely got some walksstruck out a lot, too and suprisingly got a hit here and there. Bottom lineI wasnt that good.

Let me tell you though...man, if I could go back as me right now, I would be AMAZING! I could crush the ball off of some stupid idiot 10 year old whos fastball tops out around 40 MPH. I would run the bases and start tossing the infielders around, mainly because they come up to my hip and I weigh 100 lbs more than them

They. Would. Know exactly how fairly athletic I turned out!

With all that said. And the sometimes-impressive knowledge I posses both physically and mentally there is still one thing that I have trouble with. Lets break down my pitch as a right handed pitcher. You see in slow motion I look like Roger Clemens throwing a 98 MPH fastball down Broadway. I know the mechanics, I know the motion. Yet how come, when I turn around and do it all left handedsame mechanics, same motionI look like I should be wearing a sundress and sipping on a mimosa? Some things I'll never understand.

Still, my parents are proud...mainly because Eric became a doctor.